Bethesda World News
YOUR LETTERS TO BETHESDA WORLD NEWS
Many of our readers have been busy at work emailing us on company time. Thank you. Your employers' loss in productivity is our gain. We love your letters! We love them so much, we're going to print some of them on this very page, along with our replies. However, just in case you do not love us loving your letters so much that we want to print them, we will include only the social security numbers of our correspondents and no names.
That was a joke. We will include only your initials with your letter. If we had your social security numbers, we would not be working for this second-rate publication. NO, we would be comfortably ensconced by now in a seaside home in a place with no extradition laws. (Really, really, we are just kidding. Even if we knew how to do any of that, we would not be ensconced anywhere, the very idea of ensconcement sounding rather naughty or at least punitive, and we promise never to use that word again. Just act natural.)
That was a joke. We will include only your initials with your letter. If we had your social security numbers, we would not be working for this second-rate publication. NO, we would be comfortably ensconced by now in a seaside home in a place with no extradition laws. (Really, really, we are just kidding. Even if we knew how to do any of that, we would not be ensconced anywhere, the very idea of ensconcement sounding rather naughty or at least punitive, and we promise never to use that word again. Just act natural.)
Dear BWN:
Hey you blue Volvo or Prius driving liberals. I blew latte foam out of my nose because your publication was so ridiculously apropos. Keep it up! PS can I borrow some quarters??
Signed, DP
Dear D.P.:
We are sincerely sorry for your condition. Our legal team has researched the matter and advises that we cannot be held liable for any latte foam-related injury or property damage, but if you will just sign this 143-page release that we are sending to you, we can all go on about our merry way. Meanwhile, please find us on Facebook, and Like us! We so Like being Liked. But try and refrain from spewing latte foam, since that could get unpleasant.
Thank you for taking the time to write!
Sincerely,
The Editors
Signed, DP
Dear D.P.:
We are sincerely sorry for your condition. Our legal team has researched the matter and advises that we cannot be held liable for any latte foam-related injury or property damage, but if you will just sign this 143-page release that we are sending to you, we can all go on about our merry way. Meanwhile, please find us on Facebook, and Like us! We so Like being Liked. But try and refrain from spewing latte foam, since that could get unpleasant.
Thank you for taking the time to write!
Sincerely,
The Editors
Dear BWN:
I saw a Volvo station wagon yesterday on Woodmont which did not have a Van Hollen bumper sticker! This person must be stopped!
Signed,
H.S.
Dear H.S.:
We are grateful for the tip. That is indeed an egregious misuse of the Volvo station wagon and should not be tolerated. Please don't tell us if there was a Sarah Palin bumper sticker, because we simply could not withstand the shock. In fact, as it is, we are going to have to draw the blinds and sit in a dark room for a while until we can get the disturbing vision of a Van Hollen-free Volvo out of our heads. Thanks a lot. Ambien, anyone?
In the meantime, please find us on Facebook, and Like us. We so Like to be Liked! But no more shocking news. We just can't take it. No, we can't take it, but we'll probably steal it for a future issue.
Thank you for taking the time to write!
Sincerely,
The Editors
Signed,
H.S.
Dear H.S.:
We are grateful for the tip. That is indeed an egregious misuse of the Volvo station wagon and should not be tolerated. Please don't tell us if there was a Sarah Palin bumper sticker, because we simply could not withstand the shock. In fact, as it is, we are going to have to draw the blinds and sit in a dark room for a while until we can get the disturbing vision of a Van Hollen-free Volvo out of our heads. Thanks a lot. Ambien, anyone?
In the meantime, please find us on Facebook, and Like us. We so Like to be Liked! But no more shocking news. We just can't take it. No, we can't take it, but we'll probably steal it for a future issue.
Thank you for taking the time to write!
Sincerely,
The Editors
Dear BWN:
You guys/gals/aliens are awesome! I picked up the paper at Starbucks yesterday and could not set it down until I had read all of it. You are clever writers - maybe I can be you in my next life. Thanks for creating this literary marvel to show off our proud city/town/borough/hovel.
Signed,
L.B.
Dear L.B.:
Please take us to your leader. Our study of your civilization is now complete, and we are ready to move on to the next step in our Master Plan, which involves widening Old Georgetown Road.
Thank you so much for your kind compliments. We appreciate hearing from people, especially when we don't owe them money. We hope you will proclaim our awesomeness to your fellow residents. If you haven't already, please check out our Facebook page, and "Like" us there. We so Like to be Liked...
Thank you again for reading, and for taking the time to write.
Sincerely,
The Editors
Signed,
L.B.
Dear L.B.:
Please take us to your leader. Our study of your civilization is now complete, and we are ready to move on to the next step in our Master Plan, which involves widening Old Georgetown Road.
Thank you so much for your kind compliments. We appreciate hearing from people, especially when we don't owe them money. We hope you will proclaim our awesomeness to your fellow residents. If you haven't already, please check out our Facebook page, and "Like" us there. We so Like to be Liked...
Thank you again for reading, and for taking the time to write.
Sincerely,
The Editors
